Christ. People. So, I’m with my husband at Trader Joe’s today. We are pushing along the relatively tiny frozen food isle (me behind him, both of us gazing down at frozen green beans) when a clerk climbs down off her ladder and leans in to tell us something. Okay … here it comes some lame ass comment, and surprise she didn’t let me down. She says: “I saw you both over there and it looked like you had a tandem wheelchair!” My eye rolling begins. She goes on to add, “What a great idea!”. More eye rolling on my part and a little sad nod. Hubby lets out a tiny sigh and a sad laugh as we try to get back to shopping. Now, if you can believe it this is not the first time I’ve heard such a lame comment. The “tandem wheelchair” line has been uttered before. Wrap your heads around that for a moment.

Anyway, being the stereotypical “bitter disabled person” I get really pissed. I say to hubby “What the hell!? Can’t we just go grocery shopping!” I say this low enough not to make a scene, but loud enough for Trader Joe clerk to here us, and I hope she did. Then I start to feel really self conscious and really disabled. I just don’t get people sometimes.

To top off my Trader Joe’s shopping experience, the checker made the comment that I was buying a lot of snack products. And frankly, I was. The Super Bowl is this weekend and we are going to have company. So I bought a lot of chips, beer and microwavable yummies. I guess she disapproved of the lack of vegetables and “proper” meals. I shot back with it’s Super Bowl weekend! And she nodded. Not a nod of recognition, but a nod of ‘Yes, but you still should have a bag of carrots somewhere!’ Then she makes sure I can see the ATM card swiping thing, by saying “Are you sure you can read that?” Jesus! I had already swiped my card and she was printing out the receipt. Yeah, I think I can read the ATM card thing. Ahh!

So, I leave Trader Joe’s with lots of black bean & cheese Taquitos and the feeling of being really really disabled.

Today I had to buy staples. It’s one item a stapler must have & when you’re out of staples there isn’t much that replaces them easily. You see, I needed staples to put together a series of maps for the bro-in-law’s wedding on Saturday for the in-laws. It’s not a very complicated map, Bakersfield isn’t that big and the route from the church to the reception is down one street and a right hand turn. Anyway, back to staples. I tried to use those binder clip things, but they were too large & I couldn’t locate my massive amount of paperclips. Thus, staples were needed & off to Staples I went.

You’d think at a places called ‘Staples’ they’d have a large selection of staples. Not so. They have like one variey in different sized amounts. Surrounded by staplers and staples I couldn’t help doing an imitation of the guy from ‘Office Space’ who loved his Red Swingline Stapler (see below for a youtube clip). Anyway, I went for the tinest amount of staples and also found a container of orange slices on my way to the register.

So here I sit, afternoon cup of tea beside me an an orange slice. I’m actually glad I didn’t have any staples…yum…orangey goodness.

The Grocery Store. Think about it. We all go there (unless you live in a communne – then you’re just a freak). And when we do go there, we’re in our own little worlds. Just the cart and you. Browsing along the gleaming isles – oh why yes, I think I will treat myself to a box of milano cookies – ooo bananas & nilla wafers! Marvelous. So when a stranger enters our little grocery store worlds, it can disrupt the whole shopping process.

Take today. Hubby & I were at Ralphs, minding our business when a lady comes up and tells us we’re “so cute!” in the cereal isle. “Thanks.” We reply. Then she asks if we’re a couple, we say yes we’re married. She smiles at us & I try to go about the task of picking out a cereal. Then she starts talking about how she has MS and how she can relate…blah. Oh, right! I forgot, I’m disabled! Thanks for reminding me in the cereal isle. Now, back to my little grocery store world – will it be frosted mini wheats or smart start.

So I’m with my husband at Ross (the greatest store) looking for a dress for my brother-in-law’s wedding (see post below). When some stranger pats me on my shoulder and starts asking me about my wheelchair. I’m very kind in these situations answering questions with an upbeat tone, “Why yes, I love my Quickie Titanium & boy is it light!”. But this poor guy would not give up on his questioning. It was just one question after another. The dresses were in sight and if only I could break away, but no … trapped between my husband and this poor fellow.

I told him the website (www.sportaid.com) where I ordered my chair, and any person would probably leave me at that and go look up the information on his own. However, this was not the case. At the end of his questioning was the famous question “Why are you in the wheelchair?”. Again, upbeat response “I was born 3.5 months prematurely and suffered bleeding in my spine. As a result I’m a very low paraplegic (L3-L4)…blah blah blah.” What does this have to do with my wheelchair and if it would be good for his “girlfriend” with MS. I’m sure it was for him, he looked big and out of shape. Diabetes or some other disease probably creeping up on him.

I stated “Well, we better get to shopping!” And I tried to bolt. But darned if he didn’t pat both my husband and me on the shoulders again. Would you ever pat a total stranger on the shoulder and start asking them about their eyeglasses or a prosthetic leg? I guess it’s just a different world for gimpy people like my husband and me.

Oh, and I found a few dresses…